What's Worse: "Goddammit!" or "God Told Me!"?

Scrutinizing divine communication and bad methodology

Matthew Moran

Apr 24, 2024

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Back when I was a Christian, I taught apologetics and a few bible studies.

These days, when I look back at my faith, I find my lack of careful skepticism curious. In fact, it can be downright cringey at times.

But even as a believer I was often iconoclastic in my faith; how I represented it and taught it to others. This is, perhaps, a testament to the pragmatism I was raised with. Of course, this might also be me attempting to rationalize my irrational belief… could be.

Just the way Christians spoke was enough of a prompt that I considered writing a book titled, “How to speak Christian.” It was meant to be a humorous take on phrases that only get said around and by church goers and their special meanings. I wonder how it would turn out if I wrote it today.

I found certain Christian theological and moral positions odd. One of the stranger positions many Christians hold is this idea that God is speaking to them. Their method of this divine communication is, at best, vague and, at worst, completely unfounded and a bit kooky.

When I believed, I maintained that our only concrete method of communication from God was scripture. Nothing else should be expected or necessary. That has its own host of issues but we’ll save that discussion for another time.

But, spend enough time around the church and you will start hearing Christians talk about communicating with God… a LOT! For some believers, God is a chatty side-kick who answers everything from the mundane to the important.

Because I often found what was passed as divine communication lacking an evidential basis or any theological grounding, I started teaching a lesson titled:

Is it worse to say, “Goddammit!” or “God told me!”?

This did get a few warnings from pastors and disapproval from class attendees. I still find it odd that they were bothered by the “Goddammit!” but didn’t flinch and often, staunchly defended, “God told me.”

Let’s open our bibles. If you are King James only dogmatist, sorry… verily I say unto thee, I want-eth people-eth to be able-eth to follow a long-eth.

from Deuteronomy 18:20-22
But a prophet who presumes to speak in my name anything I have not commanded, or a prophet who speaks in the name of other gods, is to be put to death.”
You may say to yourselves, “How can we know when a message has not been spoken by the Lord?”If what a prophet proclaims in the name of the Lord does not take place or come true, that is a message the Lord has not spoken. That prophet has spoken presumptuously, so do not be alarmed.

Sure, the title of my study was intentionally provocative. But, throughout the bible, some of the harshest words are directed at those who claim to speak, without warrant, on God’s behalf. This is taking the lord’s name in vain. Being so vain as to believe you can speak for God! Make NO mistake, that is vanity of the highest order!

I understand that most of these people do not claim to be prophets, so maybe they don’t deserve the above referenced death sentence. Although, I’ve had a few Pentecostals claim to be prophets. Their prophecies are even more vague and easily fulfilled than what is passed along as profound in the bible.

If you’ve not spent time around Evangelical churches (although, even Catholics do it these days), some of the strange methods Christians use to hear from God include:

Pray, open your bible to a random page, and put your finger on a verse without looking.
That verse, where you land, that’s God speaking to you.
This is significantly more common than people outside the church would imagine. It is God Voice Roulette.
Pray and then look for hints as you move through your day.
It could be a stranger saying something to you during a brief conversation. It might be a friend who calls “out of the blue”. Out of the blue conversations have an oddly weighted place in divine communication. I mean, it was out of the blue, so it MUST be God, right?

It could be finding that business card you lost under your seat. Anything and everything, if it piques your curiosity or, in most cases, confirms what you want it to, is God’s voice.
Pray about a decision and see how you feel.
I’ve heard the phrase, “I have a peace about it.” more times than I care to admit. The clear subjectiveness of this makes it an entirely, “whatever the hell I want” answer from God.

There are others. And, yes, I’ve spoken to people who claim to have heard the audible voice of God. I’m always curious what God’s voice sounds like. Does he have a rasp? Due to all the talking he’s doing…

Is it a super distinct voice? One guy I spoke to years ago told me he knew it was God because it didn’t sound like any voice he’d ever heard. It had unquestionable authority.

Well… okay, that' settles it! It is beyond questioning. ???

Hearing from God is an Ego boost masked with false humility

Never, in all my years around Church, did I hear anyone question another person about their method of hearing God’s voice. This is sacred ground and everyone wants to hear from God so a lack of skepticism abounds. Once people have created an un-skeptical methodology to hear from God, they don’t step back from it. It becomes their go-to.

And think about how great that must be… how confirming of any and every ill-founded personal, societal, political, and cultural belief; you have God, the omniscient & omnipotent creator of all giving YOU - little old YOU - direct messages.

If you consider how exciting it is to win even a small contest - to be selected out of all the others - can you imagine the sheer exaltation to know that God is taking time out of his busy day to let you know whether you should ask that person out or take that next job?

You can hardly hear yourself think around churches with all the “still small voices” whispering in people’s ears. 1

The idea that they are receiving divine messages is so inculcated into the belief system that even when certain decisions turn out badly or don’t come to proper fruition, the believer doesn’t conclude that they didn’t hear from God. They might admit that they’ve misunderstood the message but they don’t question that there was a message.

None of the above methods or any method I’ve heard any believer use to hear from God passes the muster of rational skepticism.

But consider the claim. They are claiming that the God of the Universe, the creator of billions of galaxies, wants to share his insight with them. And yet, with all his power and wisdom, the best God can do are vague and imprecise impressions…. notions… feelings.

Sadly, many believers, when faced with how much difficulty they have speaking with and hearing from God, blame themselves. They strive and pray to hear God better rather than consider whether they are hearing God at all!

Of course, there are similar vague and poorly scrutinized communications coming from the Cosmos to new-agers, to mystic Muslims, to Hindus, etc. It seems, regardless of culture or belief system, that God or “the divine” has a severe speech impediment.

Because God can be hard to hear or understand and the criteria for determining that you’ve heard from the divine, so soft, imprecise, and carefully placed outside of scrutiny, believers everywhere pray with confidence that those prayers reach God. In fact, those prayers help direct or convince God to turn his attention toward them and their cause.

And their cause can be as trifling as their child’s next basketball game, their stock choices, their next job, their next relationship, all the way up to world leadership!

That’s an amazing level of unfounded, delusional, hubris! Mind you, it gets spun as humility and awe. But let’s make sure we analyze what is being said.

With 8,000,000,000 people on Earth, God listens to and speaks to ME!

Of course, the numbers are NOT that astronomical because, if you are a Christian, you understand that a good percentage of those other people are NOT speaking to God like you are. Muslims, Hindus, certain Christians (maybe Mormons, Jehovah Witnesses, liberal Christians, etc.) are, due to their incorrect beliefs, likely praying to Satan who is pretending to be God.

God isn’t handling 8 billion prayers, he’s only handling 2.2 billion. Also, because a good number of those Christians are likely claiming Christ but are not actually believers - not like the true believers - the number of prayers God has to manage is even less.

This gives you a much better chance that your prayers are reaching God…. right?

Science has shown, multiple times, that intercessory prayer (praying for people to be healed) has no effect on outcomes. 2 In fact, one large study concluded that when people KNOW they are being prayed for, they have worse outcomes.

Note: I wouldn’t doubt that for non-critical health conditions, someone feeling supported may benefit from knowing they are prayed for.
Is that God or basic psychology?

More than that, within the church, worship leaders, pastors, and, more importantly, charlatans like Kenneth Copeland, Joel Osteen, Benny Hinn, Steve Furtick, and others, use emotional language and convince their flocks that the emotions they are feeling is God speaking to them.

Please realize, more often than not, God is prompting you to reach for your wallet.

For the most part, we might conclude that such a poorly vetted system for making decisions and receiving divine messages, is odd but harmless.

What is concerning is that the religious, Christian, Muslim, or other, use this poorly vetted system to help guide them how to vote. More dangerous than that, they vote for and elect others who use this poorly vetted system to make and defend decisions.

Consider this quote from Mike Johnson, speaking candidly to other believers in the house… emphasis mine.

The Lord impressed upon my heart a few weeks before this happened that something was going to occur. And the Lord very specifically told me in my prayers to prepare but to wait. I had this sense that we were going to come to a Red Sea moment in our Republican conference and the country at large.
Look, I’m a Southern Baptist. I don’t want to get too spooky on you, OK? But the Lord speaks to your heart. And he had been speaking to me about this.
And the Lord told me very clearly to prepare. OK, prepare for what? I don’t know. “We’re coming to a Red Sea moment.” “What does that mean, Lord?”

Mike didn’t want to get too spooky on them but he got downright, batshit crazy and terrifyingly, spooky! And while God told him “very clearly” he admits that he isn’t certain about what the preparation is for. He had “this sense” - nothing clear. However, he also seems to allude to God giving him the words, “Red Sea moment”.

Catch that! Mike is, unironically, indicating that the HE is being prepared by God for a moment that is similar to one of the MOST remarkable stories in the bible. We’re talking plague of frogs and blood!!! We’re talking the death of every first born child and the magical parting of a large body of water.

And if you believe that - as I suspect many in attendance do or did- there is little room to compromise on ANYTHING! If God is on your side, speaking to you, that means the “other side” is, at best, aligned against God and, at worst, aligned with Satan… pitchfork and all!

Also, I hope you see the problems contained in his statement. While God is speaking clearly to him, it isn’t clear enough that he knows what God is speaking about. Just about a monumental moment referencing a myth that NO qualified, non-compromised, expert believes happened (the Red Sea and Exodus from Egypt).

Outside of a religious context, if we are evaluating what Speaker Johnson is saying, he’s just pulling crap out of his head (and ass) and attributing it to God. That is taking God’s name in vain and is far more offensive than Goddammit! Or it should be.

Furthermore and more problematic, it opens the door to confirming ANYTHING he wants it to! And, it cannot be questioned because if God said you’d better damn well do it!

Of course, in striking some political compromise, Mike’s job is in jeopardy. Make no mistake, those calling for his head are, I’m certain, receiving divine communication. I have to imagine God is telling them that Mike has obviously misunderstood his very clear but unclear message. But they’ve got God’s guidance correct, this time. If they don’t, they are pitting themselves against the God of the universe. This is sort of a God vs God situation.

Please ask yourself :

Do we need our political leaders to pray for that still small voice to tell them how to set public policy, determine spending, or to decide which countries we should bomb? Do we want the God who wiped out every man, woman, and child - babies - with a flood, to help direct our leaders as to when to send men and women to kill others?

Jesus H Christ!!

Let’s overlook the fact that somewhere else in the world another group of people is praying for the same guidance. Unsurprisingly, the faithful’s answers to prayer, regardless of where they live in the world, always finds God on their side. This is especially true when it comes to killing people.

Perhaps I’m mistaken but I’ve never heard the religious, in any country, make the claim that their nation, when bombing others, is in the wrong and aligned with Satan. One only need to read about prayers by and for both the Union and Confederate side in the US Civil War.

Somehow, the bombs are always for a righteous cause. God is always the most unambiguous and supportive when you need to kill people!

Tug your chin on that one!

Skepticism to the rescue

We’re going to discuss reasonable skepticism quite a bit on Freakshow Confidential.

Before one believes in any grandiose claim - aliens abductions, Bigfoot, and, yes, God speaking to them - one should apply a healthy dose of skepticism. Before you are prone to believe that “still small voice” is anything more than some shit you want, use at least as much scrutiny as you do when buying a car… or even a new appliance.

“Look honey… this washing machine has a small scratch that looks like a cross. God must be telling us something.”

Yes, he is. He’s saying, “Get a discount. That washer has a scratch on it.”

Seeking guidance? We have science. We have educated experts on subjects. We have history. We have rational discussions with give and take. We have pilot programs that can be assessed, modified, made better, or scraped if needed.

The above methods are not perfect because we are not perfect. But they provide the best chance and far more solid methods for determining a path forward.

That is how we, as humans, can attempt to make better decisions and work to make the world a better place… for everyone.

Agree? Disagree? Let me know.

Thank you for taking some time with me.

Freakshow Confidential